Thursday, 14 January 2016

52 Weeks of Acknowledging Me

Welcome to week two, I have to preface this with the fact that I won’t be just saying things that I’m proud of myself about, but things that has also changed my life. Things I have pondered, things that have changed me as a person, for the better. Just facts about my life and who I am. This is about me realising I’m more then I am, but also for you guys to learn about me as well.

But before we start I’d like again, to welcome anyone who has a question for me, whether about me or my writing, anything you’d like to know, please comment and I’ll answer your question next week.

How I Met My Partner

This isn’t anything new, so if you’ve read this about this before, feel free to move on. I met my partner…what 12 years ago, we were working at Cole (a large supermarket chain in Australia, if you don’t know). He did night stocking and I was on register mostly working nights, or at least 2pm to 11pm.

I caught his eye or whatever a romantic comedy would call it. He spoke to me, I was shy and he made me uncomfortable. I didn’t like going down his isle when he was there, because he’s smile, and probably look at me like he wanted to shove me against the shelving and have his way with me.

Did I mention I was shy and it came around mostly with people who liked me?

Anyway, one day he started chatting with me. Or at me, I’d nod, say a few words, mumble really, blush (remember above?!), and one thing led to another he ended up with my mobile number. I had apparently said he could get it off one of the chick’s I was work friends with.

Anyway, so he starts messaging me and I replied thinking he was someone else. We hit it off even though I thought it was someone else, though if I was being honestly I wasn’t 100% sure at the time, but I was having fun. 

I feel I need to preface this with at this time in my life I don’t believe I was ever truly sober, which is a horrifying thought on lots of levels I’m not going to get into at this point.

Anyway, it got to the point that he started talking to me in real life, or he was, but the more we texted the more we talked in the real life.

Anyway, a few months after chatting I turned 18 and realised he wasn’t the person I thought he was and realised he was who he really was and, well, I told you we’d been chatting for a while now, right?!

So we went out just after my 18th and when I say went out I’m going to allow you all to believe it was a date and not getting drunk and nearly fucking in the back of my car while someone else drove us around.

Anyway, things weren’t perfect from the get go with us and we very nearly broke up. Honestly, we were at two different points in our life and I wanted out, only instead I fell pregnant. Did I mention the not remembering being sober in those days?

We ended up getting back together, because he gets me and I get him and if I’m honest with myself the only reason we weren’t working back then was because he wanted the family and the settling and I wanted a life. I wanted…I wanted nothing to do with children and I hadn’t for a long time. I wanted to be one of those childless women and my life wouldn’t have been fine.

One kid turn to two. I didn’t want an only child and I didn’t want to be spending my whole life looking after them, so I got two out in just over 2 years. There was going to be a 3rd but my daughter fucked me up big time. I had a hard time carrying her and decided that was it, I was done, and if he wanted another kid then he’d have to go knock up some other chick.

I wasn’t joking. Never have been about that.

At the end of the day, though, we work. We are in this life together and not just because of the kids, but because we have made it this far. Hell we’ve been together for 12 years, which I know isn’t long, but we aren’t the type of people to suffer just because of someone else’s, if it didn’t work we wouldn’t still be here.

We have made it through 8 years of just each other. And I’m not joking, 8 years of the only person I talk to was family (my sister once a week) and he had his work mates who he couldn’t stand. We didn’t have the internet, hell, we didn’t have a computer until my mum upgrades and even then we couldn’t afford the internet.

We went through our first son getting a major surgery at 4 weeks old. The 2 weeks of sickness leading up to that point and the doctors telling us he might not survive being put under. We went through another surgery with him at 6 months, this one less stressful as we knew he’d wake back up (my son was born with a Clift lip). We made it threw me nearly dying when giving birth to our daughter and then again a few weeks later as I suffered the consequences of Swine Flu.

We made it through him losing his job, being forced out more than actually getting fired and having to work out what the fuck we were going to do, because he just couldn’t be there anymore, we wouldn’t have even been able to afford him getting to work every day.

4 deaths on my side, and soon we’ll deal with his mother as she deteriorates into dementia. We will live through the next 10 years as we have these last.

We are the type of people who don’t change the other, just listens to the bitching. He didn’t blink when I started writing, and when it turned into MM romance he just congratulated me and was happy for me. Giving me space when I need it.

We are perfect for each other and we are at the stage were saying that makes me cringe but it’ll come round it always comes back around. I’ve been though it once and will probably be through it again before we are at the stage were children aren’t the centre of our world and it becomes so much fucking larger.

At the end of the day he doesn’t try to make me anyone but who I am. He doesn’t try and change me, to stop me for being who I was meant to be, and that’s loveable all on it’s own.

So that’s it, not sure it really told you much, as I didn’t get into how awesome he is and all that other bullshit, we are just people, living in a house with 2 kids and we are still together, we are still both alive. That’s pretty awesome.

Anyway, it’s an accomplishment even if you don’t see it and one I never really take the time out to realise.

Huh, over used the word anyway, in this post, sorry ‘bout that, lol.

If you have anything from me you’d like to know, drop me a line either here or email me at beeheeley[at]gmail[.]com