I'm at Guest, where I talk Love Without Knowing It & Movember
Friday 31 October 2014
Happy Halloween Everyone!
Just
Me Book Review: ‘Running Scared’ Bronwyn Heeley
I
just finished ‘Running Scared’ by: Bronwyn Heeley. I found it to be well
written and very suspenseful. I hated the fact I had to pause in the middle of
reading to run an errand. I felt like I was with him the whole time he was
running. While I was reading in a way I knew what was going to happen but
instead of feeling let down it just made me want to keep reading. The bonus
story ‘Hunted’ was just as good, you could feel the pain and fear as he was
feeling it. A big Thank you to Bronwyn Heeley for the chance to read ‘Running
Scared’ and to review your story.
So it’s
live, woohoo!! And free on Smashwords and ARe through the 31st (if I’ve done it
right). I really hope you check these two stories out, there short, and quick
and yeah they might not hold romance, but there are highly emotionally driven,
and like the review above, I have heard nothing but goodness from the few
people who have read them.
Now, I haven’t
said anything about this yet, because my week has been frantic, but I’m joining
a bunch of awesome authors in a 24 hour chat. Mine starts, well 10pm for me
today, and 4am for the other side of the world, tomorrow (though it’s your
today)
RGR
Presents: 24 Hour Halloween Marathon LGBT Chat
I’m up
there with AJ Truman, Taylin Clavelli, Mary Calmes & Catherine
Leivens, so really looking forward to meeting them, and even more excited
if you guys could come along and chat it up with us all.
I believe
that’s all that’s left to say today. I’m just tired, and excited and overwhelmed,
and my week just keeps on going and going.
Please,
though, check out my books, especially try and get a hold of them in the next
couple of days, if you can buy outside of Amazon since they are free – and both
companies hold mobi & PDF files.
RUNNING SCARED
Smashwords coupon: SJ36N
HUNTED
Thursday 30 October 2014
Love Without Knowing It, Character Interview
So… little worried about this, it’s my first
character interview and I’ll tell you its really weird because in one way I’m,
what interviewing myself, and another way I’m not. It’s really weird to get
your head around. Then there’s the point that I’ve never done an interview
before. Hell, I’ve hardly ever read any, so there’s the fear that nothing that
will come with be interesting, still, this is what I’ve got, you wanna meet the
boys?
Note: this interview was conducted before the book
finished and I haven't been able to schedule an update yet. Too much calendar
conflict, though I'm hoping to get something out of them the Christmas Party
Hello gentlemen, while don’t you introduce
yourself for us
Matt, grinning: seems a little like an
support meeting, hey, I’m Matt and I’ve got prostate cancer, I’m average
height, with brown hair, blue—
Paul laughs cutting Matt off: and I’m Paul, the
caregiver
Before we really get into things, why
don’t you promote yourselves a little so we can understand why we should care?
Paul sighs: our story is short, its
starts with finding out Matt is sick and how we deal with that fact
Matt scoffs, hitting Paul: you’re full of shit Paul.
Like, yeah that’s the bare bones of things. I am sick, what we know now, very,
but it’s about Paul realising he loves me and can’t live without me. It’s about
the fact that in a moment of total terror on my side this man decided to change
the rules and let me know how he felt.
I guess it was sweet, and man do I love him, had
since the moment I laid eyes on him, but hell, it’s stressful being sick,
especially from a sickness you try really hard not to think yourself into
having when it’s most likely you do.
Paul: now you’re not making any
fucking sense.
Let’s go like this, because I think it’s the easiest
way to say it. This book is about love, mine for Matt. About me pulling my head
out of my arse, and coming clean before I lose him. Which, if you think about
it is a bit fucked up, especially when that person you love might not live much
longer.
Sorry if I’m making it seem complex, but the
prostate cancer is a part of it. it’s a part of what brings us together, but
it’s not the main point, hell, we only really share those moments from going to
the doctor and coming out with the test results, which is surprisingly short
window in time.
Saying this, it’s a love story, it’s got a happily
ever after, and is about my overbearing feelings and his need for me in his
life to look after him, because cancer is scary.
Where are you now, Matt, did they get
it all?
Matt grips Paul’s hand: ah, yeah, we caught it
early so it had only really effected one side of my prostate and it was located
to the one area, so they cut it out and I’m in my third round of Chemo at the
moment.
And how are you feeling?
Matt: it’s been… I feel like
shit, sleeping more than I’m awake, and even when I am, I have no energy. I
have no fluids in my body, ‘cause the Chemo destroys all that so I’m
constipated and that makes me feel worse. I don’t really care about anything, I’ll just
sit there looking into space, not a thought in my head.
Paul: we had been told the worse
and so far, he’s been pretty good, though that first week is always hard, he’s
sick and lost.
I won’t lie, it gets scary sometimes. He’ll just sit
there, not seeing anything, not saying anything, just sits until he’s eyes
start to drop and then he’s off to bed again.
Is that normal?
Paul: the support program people
say so, it’s kinda person-to-person, and it might be a lot different if we knew
each other more. If we’d spent more time together, because all I want to do is
get to know him, and for most of the week, he’s not really with me.
And now I sound like I’m bitching
Matt smiled: a little.
Paul returns the smile: fucker.
It’s one of those things, even though we’ve been
seeing each other for a long time, it’s all brand new again but having to go through
something like this. it’s stressful and it’s heartbreaking because you see this
person you love, this bright light at the uttermost lowest, and because it’s so
new a lot of the time I don’t feel like I should be there, like I shouldn’t be
the one holding his hand, sitting next to him. Just being in a room so he
doesn’t have to feel alone.
Yet, I don’t want to leave, and not just because he
has no one else to look after him, but because this is a low, and me being here
means something. It shows that since I’m here through sickness I’m going to be
awesome at health.
I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t not be here
for him. I can’t not sit by his side and think and hope that when he’s better
we’ll be able to start that life he wants so much. Because we will, this isn’t
going to beat him, and it’s certainly not going to beat me.
I’m here for good. Then
Paul leans in and kisses Matt, just a brush, against slightly parted lips.
Matt takes a deep breath: and
that’s why I love this man. He sounds chocked
up, proud.
I’ve spoken to a lot of people who
know surprising little about prostate cancer, but from what I knew it was
something that happened to older men
Matt: and that’s one of the hug
misconceptions about the disease, like yeah, the old you are the more likely to
get it, but it’s like all cancer, anyone at any time can get it. My father got
it when he was in his forties, and lucky me I get to have it in my twenties.
Paul: it’s kinda like breast
cancer, I believe, that by a certain age everyone needs to be tested, because,
like Matt said the likely hood and all. However, if there’s strong family
history then you testing age becomes a younger age.
Now saying this, Matt wouldn’t have even thought of
being tested for it, at his age. Hell, most men his age wouldn’t have gone in
as early as he did—I know I wouldn’t—and that’s one of the biggest reason for
men dying that we don’t go and get tested, therefore by the time it’s effecting
us and we have no chose, it’s already too late.
And saying this, they leave it until it’s in the
blood, or the bones, and that’s when your truly fucked.
We were lucky, not only for the fact that Matt’s was
caught early enough that it was still isolated, but that only one part of his
prostate was infected, which means that he’s sex life wasn’t nearly as affected
by the procedure as a lot of men’s are.
Matt: which is a big relief,
I’ll tell you
Paul: it’s not more an old man’s
disease and any of the cancer are. Yeah, things can happen or you can do
something that makes your likelihood of getting cancer stronger, but that
doesn’t mean if you don’t do those things that you’re free.
Cancer isn’t picky, it’ll take anyone, and we are
lucky, as well as still in the dark ages when it comes to prostate cancer. It
may only be a blood test to determine if you have it or not, but you still have
to go for a biopsy and that’s… well, yeah… doesn’t sound pleasant.
Matt: doesn’t fucking feel it
either
All right I feel it’s getting long and
we should wrap up this chat, I’m not sure what else to ask that isn’t going to
give the whole book away, lol, but is there anything else you guys want to say
before we wrap up
Paul: read the book, visit the
site, and make sure yourself and your men are looking after their bodies, they
only have one, and it ain’t pleasant going through what we are. not that we
could have helped it, but I’m for one am glad beyond words, that I’ll still
have Matt for many many years after all this is over.
Matt looks at Paul: okay…
Paul: what, it’s true.
Matt: never said it wasn’t
Also, read the book, it’s a short read that is sweet
and important and we are happy in our ever after, promise.
And just a little reminder, here’s the book details
again *smiles* thanks for checking in with us. We hope you enjoy our story
When
everything Paul had ever known turned upside down, suddenly he needs to man up
and fight for the love he’s always feared.
Paul’s
life was set. He had what he needed and what he was comfortable with. Then a
night with one of his regular lovers pulls him into the drama of sickness,
love, and death.
In the
end, Paul needs to work a few things out first: Is he strong enough to fall in
love with a man that may need more than he’s able to give, or will he fall into
old habits and run when the relationship gets too complicated?
Love
Without Knowing It by Bronwyn Heeley
(November
#1)
Publish 1
November 2014 by Bony Dee
Contemporary
Romance
BUY LINKS
Amazon ǀ
Smashwords ǀ ARe ǀ B&N
Goodreads
Note: though the month of November 2014 all profits from
this book will be donated to the Movember charity
Winners!!!!
Alright everyone, I've got winners!!!
I'll email if i can in a few hours, because it's bed time for me right now, and im not getting up. But i'm having a first come first served, so email me. Your first pick, second & what format you want it all in, and i'll work it out in the-my- morning :)
Quick update, since i forgot to add my email : beeheeley(@)gmail(.)com
Thanks for entering, hope to see ya al next time
Quick update, since i forgot to add my email : beeheeley(@)gmail(.)com
Thanks for entering, hope to see ya al next time
Wednesday 29 October 2014
We’re All Running Scared
This year I decided, late in the game, that I would
write a horror story, only problem was, well, I was more dedicated to the idea
than the story was to be written. Only a few weeks ago had I completed it, and
I’m hoping this week sometime that it will be ready for publishing.
I love the idea of this story. I like the twist
ending that I think actually hold well, even if I thought I was making myself
to obvious. However, it has worked and it’s so close to being ready that if I
didn’t care enough about spelling and grammar it would already be out.
This book, and the bonus story you’ll even get with
it, or as a separate free download, hold the same type of run. Because that’s
what this short is. Running. It’s being shit scared, running, and finally
making it to the end to realise…shit. Was it worth it? Was it?! Well you’re
going to have to read it to find out
Anyway, I’m hoping it’ll be out by the end of the
month, because it’ll be a great little read to get you in the Halloween mood.
Excerpt
The
trip to the bathroom happened quickly. I woke up in a fury of limbs and flesh
with a bladder pressing at me to move.
Once the stream started, the pressure eased, my
shoulders relaxed and I winced before rolling my shoulders against the
stiffness, making me realise it wasn’t only my shoulders that hurt.
My arms felt heavy as they dangled at my side,
shifting pulled muscles from wrist to elbows. My thighs bunched as I shifted,
fatigue making them twitch as I groaned while turning from the toilet to the sink.
My fingers curled around the cool edging, my head hung
low, trying not to hurt when all I felt like doing was crumpling onto the
ground and going back to sleep.
“What the fuck happened to me?” The words whispered
against the tiles, bouncing back at me making me flinch from the loudness, the
stupidity of the statement.
The dream flashed at me, tying me down in a world that
wasn’t real, and yet it felt that way. It felt as if something had shifted
themselves into my body and experienced a life I hadn’t been a part of.
Yet, I couldn’t remember, couldn’t understand what was
happening, couldn’t get away from an impression of death and pain, but the
vision in colour never came. I never saw anything I could link to.
Dreams were powerful, I understand that; this hadn’t
been the first time a dream had felt as if I’d walked it, rather than slept
through it. My eyes gazed up into the mirror, habit really, I system of vanity
we were all caught up in, like checking yourself out as you walked passed a
shop window.
I gasped at what I saw. Adrenalin pushed up through me
fast. The mirror was smashed, as if an ashtray smashed into the shiny surface
at least twice, only with the bloodstain splattered here and there, it became
obvious that a fist made those marks, and made them without a thought of the
pain it would cause.
I stumbled back trying to get away from the image.
Trying to get away from the jagged spikes that had tumbled onto the floor,
making it look dirty and used.
My arms hit the doorframe as I pulled myself through
the door, trying to get away. I needed to get away.
My body froze as I got one step into the main room. I
felt nothing, thought nothing as my heart beat, hard, heavy, the only sound
coming from the vein in my neck.
The room was trashed. How I didn’t see it when I first
got up I don’t know, but then I didn’t remember anything until this moment, and
even that was sketchy.
The bedding was twisted up on the bed. for some reason
that was the first thing I noticed and though it wasn’t anything different than
what I’d normally be looking at after a night slept in a bed, it seemed to make
my stomach bubble.
The small table that had been in the corner near the
windows was missing three legs as it rested against the wall where the head of
the bed was. I realised one corner had to be sticking into the wall.
The chair, I’d guess, was the scattered wood near the
door, the little screen that held the fire-drill, hidden behind a scratched up
plastic had been ripped off.
The cupboard had been turned inside out, one of the
doors taken off its hinges.
The picture had been cut up, one side flopping down
against the top of the headboard. The walls were smeared with a light brown
colour that I was reluctant to call blood, mostly because I wasn’t sure if I’d
be able to keep my stomach content down otherwise.
What had happened here? Had I done this? Did I lose my
sanity for a moment where I went ape shit and just picked up everything there
was and turned the pain in my chest into something physical? I didn’t think so,
even with my arms throbbing at my side as I took in the damage. There’d be
something there, a memory. Something was missing, something obvious and
pointed, and yet I was shying away.
Or had a rock band come in and partied hard while I
was sleeping? Gang banged me until I passed out? It definitely would have been
the better option, though again I would have had some form of memory—mostly
because I’d want to keep hold of it.
What the fuck was going on? Why was I caught in the
middle of some madman’s schemes? What had I done in my life to deserve this?
A spider crack in the window caught my attention, I
swallowed hard around a lump as I stepped closer to the window, and the bright
red smudges that slid down the…outside.
I sighed; it was on the outside. Thank fuck it was on
the outside. I just wish the guilt from that sigh wasn’t starting to pinch at
my gut.
A fly to shit, my eyes caught on the blood, curiosity
and I was a fucking cat, as my feet moved closer and closer. I was at the point
of putting my nose against the glass, hell I could feel the cold licking at my
skin as I tried to look past the window. I may not be the best at savvy quotes,
which seemed to directly relate to me thinking I could see over and around the
lip of a closed window, smothered in blood and cracked glass.
The window clicked open, I knew it was me, but I still
couldn’t help myself from continuing to open it. I could give the excuse of
never been able to pass by a crime scene. It would be true, if I’d ever been in
the vicinity of a crime scene, which I hadn’t. Maybe that was why I was so
curious of what was on the other side of the window. What had made that damage?
I ended up opening it all the way, each inch the
window went higher the need to see grew stronger, and I couldn’t stop.
I was oddly nervous, as I got closer, having to in
order to get the window all the way up. The wind blew against my skin, cool and
crisp, with an underlying smell of garbage. It was dark, inky black with a
light glow just along the bottom line of the window. I understood that came
from lights on the street.
Licking my lips, I looked over the edge, and saw
something... I couldn’t be sure what it was, but the shine had me guessing a
shoe.
My head went next, my fingers linked against the sharp
wood. The air got dense as the weather and smell pushed at me. I leaned over,
needing to see, needing to know what had landed on the ground.
The body looked fake, something out of a crime show. I
even got the flash of bright yellow outline, though clearly, the line wasn’t
there, but the fakeness lingered.
It seemed that out of everything that happened on cop
shows, there was definitely one thing they’d gotten right, because the body on
the ground looked like a rag doll all crumpled up. With a dark pool around him
that couldn’t have been anything other than the blood and guts of the body
above it.
“Do you like
it?” a voice sounded behind me.
Tuesday 28 October 2014
Welcome All
It’s so funny, you come to points in your life that
you think you’re handling a lot better than you really are. This is one of them
for me.
Excerpt #2
Love Without Knowing it, means so much to me. not
just the book, but the series, the idea that I had and the fact that I’m still
so passionate about this idea, about this charity and about the book I wrote
back in January this year.
I’m not going to get into this book that much now,
and it’s something I’ve debated for the last month now, but it’s more important
to promote the charity then it is my book, and therefore the reasons behind
this book. The charity I’m raising money for, by publishing this book, will all
come to light in November, as of now, just know that this one means a lot to
me. a lot more than all the other books I’ve published so far.
Now, that I wrote it in a way to give awareness to
the men in your life. To show you in a way the light and the stress. To have
you understand parts of a sickness that is still killing too many of our males.
and it’s done in a light, sweet, happily ever after way.
I decided on this mostly because I think it makes
for a better read, for something more will read because there isn’t anything
horrible in it. It’s just a love story, full stop. It’s a short little love
story with a message that I hope everyone takes to heart.
Before we get to the excerpt, you should take a moment
to click over to Multitaskingmommas for a review and the first excerpt of this
book.
Excerpt #2
Paul
hated this feeling of dread. Being home in Matt’s apartment wasn’t helping. He
hated not knowing what to say, what to do. He hated this fear, this guilt, this
threat that he was going to lose his mate.
He felt a driving need to interrogate Matt
for more information even though he knew Matt had told him everything he could.
Why couldn’t he see that Paul was going insane with the need to know more? He
needed every bit of information he could possibly get this hands on.
That started with the internet. He needed
it now. His fingers itched to do some
research, but he didn’t want to be one of those people who went onto Dr Google
and found the worst possible diagnoses’ straight away. Honestly, he just needed
something to do more than anything else. Paul knew it wasn’t the right moment
to start interrogating his lover, and he also knew Matt definitely wasn’t up
for the nitty gritty of it all.
A deep shuddered intake of breath from
nearby had Paul turning to Matt, who appeared to be using every bit of will
power he had not to cry. Paul felt his own chest tighten a little more.
Shit.
“Tea or coffee?” Paul asked, aiming to
distract even if his words came out scratchy.
Slightly glassy eyes looked up, but their
gazes never quite met. Matt cleared his throat before he replied, “Tea please,
two sugars and a touch of milk would be nice. And a Tim-Tam if there’s any
left…”
The sound of anguish in Matt’s voice made
Paul’s throat close and his eye sting. He needed a moment alone, just as much
as he thought Matt did.
Filling the jug with enough water to make
two cuppas, Paul flicked it on and then rested his hands on the bench as he
sucked back the need to cry. He could do this. He could do this with Matt. He
could be everything Matt needed him to be. A rock. The strength that would hold
him up. Weird, he had never done anything like this before.
He took a deep calming breath, gathered all
these intense and untested emotions into a tight ball, and tucked them just
under his heart. He would analyse and deal with them later. Right now was for
Matt. Tea.
He’d made a promise that he wouldn’t leave
Matt alone all day. He hoped he didn’t have to leave through any of this, but
that was neither practical nor reasonable for either of their mental health.
The thing was he had no intention of letting Matt deal with any of this alone,
and until someone else showed up to help, Paul was what Matt got.
With the tea ready, he carried the two cups
and a packet of biscuits under his arm, making a bit of noise as he entered the
room. He pretended not to notice Matt wiping his nose with the bottom of his
shirt.
“Here.” Paul gently handed him his cup.
“Ta,” Matt replied, his smile watery, but
thankful.
They didn’t speak much as they drank their
tea. Nor did either of them turn on the telly. They just sat in the silence of
the world, both separately pondering what the future may hold.
Paul tried multiple times to come up with
something to say, but he just couldn’t find anything. Nothing. Not a thing.
He had a moment of fear that he might be
intruding too much into Matt’s life. Was he stepping over the line? Did Matt
secretly want him gone? Stupid thoughts really, because deep down he understood
he was already neck deep in a complicated
relationship with Matt. The longer they sat in this comfortable silence the
more uncomfortable it became for Paul, as if he was trying to fit his feet into
shoes two sizes too small. Awkward really, yet he was more than happy to
squeeze himself into the fuckers. Anything to help Matt know he wasn’t in this
on his own.
“You don’t have to stay, ya know.”
“I know,” he mumbled back, wondering what
he could do to change, to lift the mood of the moment. His eyes flicker over
Matt as he spoke, watching his shoulders sag. Was it relaxation, relief, or
disappointment? Paul wasn’t sure, but he’d be damned if he was going to leave
without explicit instructions.
“So, you ever gonna tell me what the doc
said?” Paul asked as he settled further into the lounge. He hooked his ankle
over his knee, making sure his whole attention never left Matt.
“I did. He said he was worried, but not
because of the swollen prostate alone, more the lumps along the rectum wall.”
“Not worried about…dude, your prostate was
as big as a peach.”
Matt rolled his eyes. A smile lifted up his
lips; it did a lot to help soothe some of those worries in Paul’s chest.
“You’re exaggerating, mate.”
Paul lifted a brow. “Seriously, the fucker
rubbed at my cock head when I was fully planted.”
Matt laughed. “He thought that maybe I had
an infection.”
“That’s…really—is that true?”
Matt shrugged. “It’s what he said. He was
honestly more worried about the lumps than the prostate itself. Dude, I think
it’s weird too, but it’s the truth. Why would I lie?”
“I guess, though it’s a gland, so if ya got
like glandular fever or something it might blow up a little.”
Matt laughed hard. “I can just see it now,
‘Oh, your throat’s sore, just drop trou
and let’s get a gander at that prostate.’”
It felt so good to laugh.
They let things slide after that, and if
Paul was totally honest with himself, he didn’t particularly want to talk about
it anymore. He needed a break. Selfish of him, yes, and he was probably going
to get an ulcer from the guilt, but at least it gave Matt a bit of timeout as
well.
Paul wasn’t sure how long they’d sat there
before Matt got up and went to the toilet. Paul cleaned up the cups.
A sharp crash from the bathroom had his
feet running in that direction before his brain could catch up.
“Matt?” He knocked on the door. “Matt,
what’s going on? Are you okay?” He gripped the doorhandle and turned.
Thank-fuck it was unlocked. There had been some form of mumbled answer, but
Paul hadn’t been able to understand it.
Matt was standing over the toilet, cock in
his hand, pointing down into the bowl with a pinched look on his face…
“Can’t piss,” Matt whispered as he looked
up at Paul.
Monday 27 October 2014
Big Things Are Happening
So this week I should be having 3 books published.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
I saw should
because I’m hoping to get all the proofings back early enough to have it out
before the 31st, but even if it’s not I’m sure it won’t be much after. I always
had the thought that I could just publish it, but then I’d be asking you guys
to pay for something that isn’t finished yet, and that’s not fair, so we’ll
have to wait it out.
Still, the ones I’m waiting on are short, and quick,
and if anything by Sat, at least one will
be out, because it’s already just waiting for the date to click over.
At any rate its release week, and so it is going to
be filled with, well release stuff, which include excerpts, character
interviews, reviews and a giveaway (even if that one’s been going for a week
already)
And to start us all off, because it’s going to be published
for free everywhere but Amazon (that one will have it linked with Running
Scared) I decided to put Hunted up here, on my other blog for your enjoyment
So, go, enjoy and I hope you find this week fun
because it’s definitely full *smiles*
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