Saturday 31 May 2014

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #44

It’s been a long time since we’ve had this talk, but I’m sure what I’ve given instead is so much more fun than me talking about my writing.
You know, because you had an awesome blog story, that if you haven’t read, then you should. you know, by clicking here
 
Let’s talk what I’ve done…
 
Last time for, The Rub of My Werewolf. Done. Edited, waiting for release. Woohoo!
 
Started Moonlit Wolves 7: Protecting My Werewolf
1.      Worried ‘cause Adam is much more a romantic than I think I’m going to be able to portray – he’s also wild…
2.      Worried that I’m not going to be able to get all the steps I want to get in there
3.      Worried it’s going to crash and burn
4.      Worried Adam doesn’t make sense, I’m made him have to great personalities but they are both one person
5.      Can I say worried one more time….
6.      Excited that it’s writing itself, and the characters are working, even if clearly I’m going to have to go back in and make Adam a little more handsy – but then I made him a version of a cliché he couldn’t be because of the circumstances, so having him like he is might not matter as much, as long as he gets a little more handsy
7.      If I hadn’t massively caved to peer-pressure, and this horrid sickness that just doesn’t want to fuck off I’d be finished this by now, it’s writing that smoothly—I say before i hit a fucking wall, lol. I’m 8K and I’ve only done 2 nights of solid writing.
 
I have learnt recently with this series that I have missed two major parts in the whole story line. One, is on purpose. Honestly, I can’t do anything about the misgivings, mostly because the group have them, they don’t know any more than you guys do, and it won’t be until the next story arc that it will be cleared up because he became a bit more of a focus point.
Can you guess whom I’m talking about?
 
The other is a complete fuck-up on my count. The excuse is that the story it was meant to go into, or it should have gone into, well, it wasn’t important enough. I’m not ashamed to say that those two characters were a bit self-centred, and clearly, I wasn’t going to be doing this other story until book 11.
Now, its book 9 and knowing this bit is meant to be filled… oh, man, it’s given me a depth for the book that I didn’t think it was going to have. instead of it being one sided—well, it’s going to be, but now it’s going to have a moment, a part where anger and resentment and things that he didn’t even understand he held in his heart is going to have to be let go.
 
And there you have it, because I feel like I’m making sense only to myself and no one else.
 
Next: Got rejected, again, this time with Something Said, and as I looked at it I’ve decided that, yes, I’m going to be making this a full version (or novella) ‘coming out’ story.
But first, a little later in the year, I’ll put it up as another blog story.
 
This rejection didn’t hit me as hard as the first one did, I’m not sure if it was because it was the second, or the fact that I was just waiting for this email since I sent the fucking thing in. I knew it wouldn’t work. I knew it wasn’t enough. And quite frankly, ever since I wrote the whole thing, hit send, all I wanted to do was get it back and write the whole fucking story out. Because it’ll be brilliant, if not slightly clichéd ‘coming out’ but then again maybe mine will relate a little better to all those who’s other stories didn’t.  
 
I don’t really believe that, but I do believe that just a different tone to the same story can speak to different people and have different reactions, and only one person needs to come out of it with a sense that what they feel and how they’d relate to situation isn’t odd, isn’t anything but… normal.
 
This, however, well mean that I’ll have two coming out stories under my name. yay!
 
And lastly a bit more of the old November 1: Love Without Knowing It, is in its final stage of editing, I’m going to be doing a quite read threw with one of me beta’s (the one I am fast to fast with). Then send it off to a friend of a friend who said he’d read it for me, clean it up a little more.
I’m hoping from this I won’t need any more editing, but I’m going to be giving out a handful of arc copies to anyone who wants to read them in the sense of feedback—you know the way they were meant to be done—at least that’s what I’ve been told.
 
I’m hoping by the end of June I’ll have a copy of covers up for you guys to choose what you’d prefer and a giveaway to go with it, probably money for ARe or something, because I have no idea how to deal with Amazon.
 
But good things are coming with that book, and I’m looking forward to the horrors and stress that this book is going to give me, but I want to make it a yearly thing so I need to get it up, and ready, let people see it, see me, understand, and want more…
 
I’m scared, I’m nervous and I’m pushing all that shit away because I need to finish the next three Moonlit Wolves so that I can focus everything on it.
 
So on the end note of soft hysterical giggles, I think that’s everything.
 
Adam.
Adam’s plump lips parted, a little blood on the corner of his mouth, he smile, more a grimace of pain, but clearly, he was trying to smile.
“I know you,” and then his glassy eyes fluttered closed.

Friday 30 May 2014

Blog Story #6 – Gotta Start Somewhere

This posting is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers. 

Thursday 29 May 2014

Hadn’t the Pleasure # 104

The books that have been collecting dust for so long they have become stained from it
 
 
The Brothers Grime is Jack Masterson's way of helping people in crisis after disability ends his career as a firefighter. Jack's people get to a scene long after the physical trauma ends. They don't solve crime or rescue the victims. They help people move on. The new job is all Jack wants or needs, until he gets the call about old flame Nick Foasberg's suicide.
 
Ryan Halloran's cousin Nick has been on a downhill slide for a long time. Despite that, Ryan does everything he knows to help. Ryan only understands part of what happened between Nick and Jack in high school, but after Nick's suicide, Ryan agrees both he and Jack need closure. They work together to clean the scene and despite the situation, heat flares between them.
 
Jack is keeping a painful secret and fighting his attraction to Nick's lookalike cousin, Ryan. Ryan calls himself a magnet for lost causes and worries Jack might be the next in a long line of losers. Despite his misgivings, despite the past and the mistakes they've both made, Jack gives Ryan something to look forward to, and Ryan gives Jack a reason to stop looking back, in Grime And Punishment.
 
Grime and Publishment by ZA Maxfield
(The Brothers Grime #1)
 First published November 2013 by Loose Id
iBook,  143 pages
Contemporary Romance
 
The cat was new.
Jack was pretty sure when he’d gone to sleep there hadn’t been a cat in his house, much less a bowl of water or a dish of food. he stood still while it made it’s way sinuously between his legs, over his shoes, sniffing him and getting friendly with the rubber top of his cane.
 
Series includes
Grime Doesn’t Pay

Wednesday 28 May 2014

Blog Story #5 – Gotta Start Somewhere

This posting is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers.

Tuesday 27 May 2014

Stuck in Your Head # 97

I’m going to give you the line from the books I’ve read that make my mind crave the rest like chocolate & Coke.
 

 
He smirked. “We both know that isn’t true. And out friend Jimmy from last week is a bigger drama queen than I’ll ever be. I just want to know in simple guy-speak why—the house is too quiet, you don’t trust yourself not to drink all the beer, you really don’t want to rely on your own hand tonight…”
Andreas has to laugh. “You got two out of three, that’s not bad.”
“So long as that last one is part of it.” Bobby returned and flopped back onto the couch. And that seemed to be that.
--page 35, iBook
 
Once Burned by Emery Sanborne
(Hearts Afire #4)
First Published April 2009 by Liquid Silver
Contemporary Romance
 
Andreas Sullivan learns that promotion in the fire department comes with its downside when the chief assigns him to settling in their new man and reputed adrenaline junkie, Bobby Ford. However, Bobby proves himself a good addition to the team and makes no secret about his attraction to Andreas.
 
Early in his career, Andreas had a relationship with another fireman that went sour after he was injured in a call. Since then, he has avoided serious entanglement both on the job and off. But Bobby is persistent and Andreas finds himself falling hard and fast. Once burned, Andreas holds back until a close call makes him reevaluate things.
 
Contains billiards, baseball and hot fireman on fireman action.
 
Other story in book

Monday 26 May 2014

Blog Story #4 – Gotta Start Somewhere

This posting is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers.

Sunday 25 May 2014

Second Winner of HAHAT

It’s over for another year, and with it comes another winner and hopefully some more people with a better understanding of the world we live in, and the people in it.

My kids picked again, they chose 18…

Ray!

I emailed, so everything should be on the way, and thank you everyone who entered, I’ve had a wonderful time.

Read This Week #92

The deal with all those books I’ve read this week
 

Saturday 24 May 2014

Blog Story #3 – Gotta Start Somewhere

This posting is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers 

Friday 23 May 2014

Blog Story #2 – Gotta Start Somewhere

This posting is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers.

Thursday 22 May 2014

Hadn’t the Pleasure # 103

The books that have been collecting dust for so long they have become stained from it
 
 
"Finding love can be a bumpy ride. "
 
His job: downsized out of existence. His marriage: on the rocks. It doesn't take a lot of arm twisting for Tim Knight to agree to get out of London and take over his injured brother's mountain bike shop for a while. A few weeks in Southampton is a welcome break from the wreck his life has become, even though he feels like a fish out of water in this brave new world of outdoor sports and unfamiliar technical jargon.
 
The young man who falls-literally-through the door of the shop brings everything into sharp, unexpected focus. Tim barely accepts he's even "in" the closet until his attraction to Matt Berridge pulls him close enough to touch the doorknob.
 
There's only one problem with the loveable klutz: his bullying boyfriend. Tim is convinced Steve is the cause of the bruises that Matt blows off as part of his risky sport. But rising to the defense of the man he's beginning to love means coming to terms with who he is-in public-in a battle not even his black belt prepared him to fight. Until now.
 
Warning: Contains an out-and-proud klutz, a closeted, karate-loving accountant-and a cat who thinks it's all about him. Watch for a cameo appearance from the "Pricks and Pragmatism" lovers. May inspire yearnings for fresh air, exercise, and a fit, tanned bike mechanic of your very own.
 
Hard Tail by JL Merrow
 First published 8th of May 2012 by Samhain Publishing
iBook,  128 pages
Contemporary Romance
 
“ the bell above the shop door tinkled, and Matt Berridge fell into my life.
Literally. “

Wednesday 21 May 2014

Blog Story #1 – Gotta Start Somewhere

This posting is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers.

Tuesday 20 May 2014

Stuck in Your Head # 96

I’m going to give you the line from the books I’ve read that make my mind crave the rest like chocolate & Coke.
 
 
“I heard you.”
“Nothing. the past is over. It can’t be brought back or replayed. It can’t be changed because it is what it is and it makes us who we are today. This, right now, this is all we can work with.” Aaron said touching his chest and motioning between them. “What we do with it makes is or breaks us.”
--page 56, iBook
 
Actually by Mai Watts
First Published 8th of August 2012 by Resplendence publishing
Contemporary Romance
 
Law student, Aaron Hedlund, is on the cusp of a new career with a cute boyfriend. Life is easy and perfect, until he gets a call that shatters his plans.
 
When Ian Mitchell discovers that his sexy former student, Aaron, is back in town, he’s relieved to know that someone will help Aaron’s little brother recover from the death of their parents. But as Aaron struggles to keep the family together, Ian finds that getting close enough to help may be more temptation than he can handle.
 
And the biggest challenge of all is showing Aaron that fixing shattered plans can become a blessing, actually.

Monday 19 May 2014

Monthly Update & the Plan for the Next 2 Weeks

This is coming a little early for the fact that I’m planning to put up my free read these next two weeks so it means I won’t be doing these regular post for the next two weeks.
 
What I’d done this month, it’s actually bigger than I thought, lots and lots have happened.
 
My short story was rejected, Gotta Start Somewhere, which I’m going to be posting for you for the rest of the week. I hope you like it.
 
I have plans for this one, it will come out in ebook, but depending on if the other story gets rejected or not – if it does I’ll put all 3 shorts in a bind-up for free as a ‘get to know me’ read. Mostly because that will give me a YA a NA and an Adults book – all of them around the same length.
 
I meet Penny in real life, lovely lady and I had a great time, can’t wait until next one!
 
I hooked up with NJ Nielsen who not only helped me realise I’m a bit of a downer and needed to stop, but has also agreed – or did we decide together – to co-write a series. We will be starting the plans for this in or after June and actually start writing in January 2015.
 
I finished Moonlit Wolves 6: Rub of My Werewolf, it has been sent and it’s gone through first set of editing, which made me so proud of myself.
It’s a really good feeling.
 
Next fortnight I’m writing Moonlit Wolves 7: Protecting my Werewolf, which is going to be up with the longest, it won’t be much bigger than 5 as I want to keep these as little books, but it’s defiantly going to be bigger than the other going into it.
 
Book 7’s time frame starts around the same time as book 6, and go right into book 8, with book 9 being about the people and a bit of the aftermaths.
 
Anyway, I’m looking forward to getting to them, as much as I’m looking forward to ending this part in the series.
I’m hoping to have these three done by the end of June, but would really like it to be before then.
 
I did two BETA reads on a YA one, and 2 from NJ Nielsen. They were fun and I quite liked being a BETA though I’m not sure how much I helped (a bit if what they said was true!)
 
Um.. so I’m going to say that’s it, I’ve been having a think and can’t think of anything else I need to say. I will, however, give you the start of Protecting my Werewolf (unedited)
 
***
Justin first meet Jex when the young man was twelve, small framed with eyes are dark as night as he stood on the other side of a dead body that pooled blood around his feet.
     The guy dead had been one of his bodyguard as a young man Jex had watched as calmly as ever, as if it hadn’t been the first time, not be a long shot, while his father went into a rant about something long forgotten before he’d pulled the trigger.
     It hadn’t only been Jex’s feet that ended up covered in blood but like the other gore around him he’d stood there, still as anything while chaos ran around him. a death bringer in all its glory until he blinked at his father, turning his head slightly and in a voice so scarily soft it had made a shiver work down Justin’s back, Jex had wondered if it was okay for him to clean up.

Sunday 18 May 2014

First Winner of HAHAT

Woohoo we have our first winner
Again I ask my kids to pick a number and the winner for the first ebook I’m giving away goes to….

Penumbra

The email has been sent, go check out what book you want, and let me know

For everyone else, I’ve opened this comp for the rest of the week, which means on the 24th I’ll be picking out another winner, everyone is still in for a chance

So click here to enter and good luck!

Read This Week #91

The deal with all those books I’ve read this week
 

Saturday 17 May 2014

HAHAT Hop

13. DP Denman (m/m) ˄
14. Bronwyn Heeley (m/m) ˅
 First time entrance to this wonderful hop, so let’s get started…


So this hop is to bring spot lights and make people aware of homophobia and transphobia

 
So I’m meant to spend a moment to talk about something but in all honesty I can’t think of anything. My area of passion seems to be Movember – but you’ll learn that later in the year *cough-November-cough*—so it seems when it comes to this I’m lost.

I have been truly fortunate to live quite a sheltered life. not only in the facts that where I came from there wasn’t anything that stood out in my mind; no high death count, no divorce rates,  but mostly for the fact that I never saw anything different from same-sex couples to hetro-couples. They have always been the same to me.

Yeah, as I got older my understanding of it all came into play, but I honestly can’t say I ever felt differently about how anyone wanted to live, or whom they wanted to love.

And isn’t that a reality we are fighting to archive. And just like every other time something major has come up, and a group of people have pushed and fought for human rights, they have been hit back at, and they have been told to stay quiet and yet they’ll win. I believe that this will happen. I can only hope that it’s my children who live in this world where everyone is equal under the title of family, no matter who they love. And not my children’s grandchildren.

Ok, now onto the fun stuff, yay!, I will give one winner a copy of one of my books, you can chose whether you want a back-list or something to come.
Basically, this means you can either get from book 1 – 5 in my Moonlit Wolves series, or book 6 when it comes out – or book 1 in my November series, which will be coming out on the first of November

Anyway, in laymen terms: Prize = 1 ebook copy of one of my books.
You have the whole of the 17th/May/2014 – national homophobia & transphobia day to enter. Just leave a comment on this post, anything really, and a way for me to contact you (email, facebook, twitter) to let you know you’ve won!

UPDATE: I realised that this hop actually goes for a week, so I will be giving away 2 copies. 1 at the end of the 17th like I promised above, and than again on the 24th, all names will run in both giveaways. have fun and good luck.

Have fun and please check out the other people in this hop


And for those who just want to head back to the main page, here’s the link

Friday 16 May 2014

Moonlit Wolves #5


Déjá vú, but can Kyle change the way it all went down last time, so he can keep the only man he ever loved?

Standing over another mutilated person, Kyle knows the rogue werewolf is back. He’d seen this before, year ago, when everything turned to shit.
Brad was in two minds about coming back to his hometown after running away because of a kiss—that resulted in his best mate’s murder. When his mentor asks for his help, Brad agreed a little too easily.
But it was an excuse to run into the one man he’d been pinning over for too long now. Why he can’t get Kyle out of his head, Brad isn’t sure. However, as soon as he locks eyes with Kyle, the fresh wash of lust tells him he may never be able to.
Can a goal to hunt down the rogue that took their friend’s life—the reason they had been apart—be a reconnection they both so desperately need?

Note: it’s highly recommended that this series to be read in order.

 

A Werewolf’s Howl by Bronwyn Heeley
(Moonlit Wolves #5)
Published 15th of March 2014 by extasybooks
Paranormal Romance, 4 heat, m/m
Cover Art by Cameron Waters
Kyle and Brad’s story / word count: 24,940

eXtasybooks ǀ  goodread ǀ aRe ǀ smashwords ǀ amazon

 
Excerpts
(these are designed to be read by an 18+ ordinance)

 

Official Excerpt

 It was happening again…Oh, God, it can’t be. This can’t be happening. But it was. Shit, it was. Pete all over again.
    Jack, their friendly barkeeper, lay on the needle-infested ground. Eamon, the boss—Chris’ much better, smoother half, was something of a solid leader type with the edge of a nerd who hated them calling him boss so much that they couldn’t help it.
    Craig, Phil’s scarier, werewolf hunter mate, was kneeling over the body of their ripped up friend—clearly done by claws and teeth. Needle in hand, he and Eamon stitched savage-looking wounds as Jack lay unconscious.
    “Reminds me of Pete,” Kyle said as he looked down at the mess, but came up with something altogether different—different legs, different torso, different scene. Pete lying on the edge of the road, discarded like trash, a creek of blood trailing its way into the undergrowth of the forest it came from.
    Dead. The man that Kyle had loved, lying dead mere hours after they had fought their last fight.
    His chest hurt, squeezing tight around his heart. His muscles pulled tightly around the bones, his joints hurting from the hold. He felt it in an out of body way, but couldn’t breathe enough to relax himself.
    He was in the past, right there when they had gotten the call out from Paul to say that Pete hadn’t made it to work. Kyle guessed it was lucky he had a job that needed him, and a boss that actually gave two shits about him, because it had only been a half hour before Kyle hit the road with James and Gene looking to see what had gone down. Hoping, with an absolute certainty that the idiot had broken down and forgotten his phone—it wasn’t an odd call, Pete never really cared for anything as mundane as technology. Or was it more that forgetfulness of not caring about it?
    He laughed, a sob locked tight in his chest. His knees buckled. He couldn’t get out of where he’d been, couldn’t fight the memory that was drowning him where he hadn’t been able to let himself think about until this very moment. So much heartache and regret came from such a short span of time in his life.
    The car had been abandoned. Though it had broken down, his phone lay dead on the passenger seat. The doors were locked, and everything looked to be as it should. Fear had lodged in his throat as he looked into the car. His heart beat in his ears, throat, and his fingertips as he looked up and down the road. Everything seemed fine, but Kyle had never felt anything so wrong in his life.
    Frantic without a cause, Kyle had scrambled down the road, calling for the others to go the other way. There was no way Pete would go into the trees. No way in fucking hell would he do something so stupid. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, that it wasn’t ever done, but that these woods were a trap—a maze with no answer. Each side that wasn’t lined with roads led into pine tree farms, each set in lines and columns. There were no reference points in those trees. Nothing that showed you were where you were. It was literally a chance at luck to walk into these woods and come out where you started, let alone if you wandered in through the national forest.
    It hadn’t taken them—Kyle—long to find him. Dumb luck on his part for the choice he made to go into town. He called, screamed. Kyle really wasn’t sure what he had done on those first few moments to alert the others that he had him. Or how loud he must have been. Kneeling alongside the ripped up side of Pete, Kyle put his hands on the man’s chest, just touching, letting the warmth of the man he loved—he’d been intimate with—sink deep into his skin as he cooled.
    “He’s dead,” was all Kyle had said.
    It was all he could remember of anything that happened through the coming months. It wasn’t that he hadn’t lived, but that the memory, the events and then more so, the loss, had rattled him so much that he just didn’t want to remember any of it. So he didn’t. To this day, he couldn’t remember the big events that happened. It was hell to figure out the little ones.

Thursday 15 May 2014

Realise Day—You Know, Later on Today

The countdown is running out, we are nearly at the point of being published
 
 
 
Déjá vú, but can Kyle change the way it all went down last time, so he can keep the only man he ever loved?
 
Standing over another mutilated person, Kyle knows the rogue werewolf is back. He’d seen this before, year ago, when everything turned to shit.
Brad was in two minds about coming back to his hometown after running away because of a kiss—that resulted in his best mate’s murder. When his mentor asks for his help, Brad agreed a little too easily.
But it was an excuse to run into the one man he’d been pinning over for too long now. Why he can’t get Kyle out of his head, Brad isn’t sure. However, as soon as he locks eyes with Kyle, the fresh wash of lust tells him he may never be able to.
Can a goal to hunt down the rogue that took their friend’s life—the reason they had been apart—be a reconnection they both so desperately need?
 
Note: it’s highly recommended that this series to be read in order.
 
***
Man, he is a beauty.
Lean frame, body seemed to hold a heavier mass of muscle than he had the last time Kyle had seen him. His forearms had a definition that Kyle had no doubt went the rest of the way up and down that body. He’d nearly swallowed his tongue when Brad rolled up his dress shirt sleeve.
To anyone not paying as close attention to the man, he’d be thin, but Kyle saw the effort that kept that frame slim. He had no doubt that Brad hadn’t changed all that much since leaving him—his personality wouldn’t allow him to not stay in shape.
His neck, another perfect piece of flesh Kyle couldn’t stop staring at, wondering what Brad would taste like if he took a nibble there. Would it be as good—better—than that kiss was? Would he wriggle or moan?
His chin was straight, male. A dark spattering of stubble, like he hadn’t shaved that morning, covered the bottom half of his face, hiding nothing, but definitely there. A straight nose and buzzed brown hair, which had hurt Kyle a little when he saw it. He really liked the messy fluff of hair that Brad grew. Thick and motionless, it stuck up like an afro, which Brad hated, but Kyle loved. Kind of made a statement on its own, and said nothing. After all, if Kyle wasn’t there to see it, why would he put up with the mess?
His eyes were the thing that had always caught Kyle. Those dark blue orbs that turned nearly black when the man was angry, and liquid ebony when he was horny. Kyle had seen both, often aimed at him, which really didn’t help anything.
Kyle had lived days, night, weeks, and years, with the need for those eyes on him again, for Brad to come back to him, but it had never happened, and Kyle, though heartbroken, had finally given up hope.
It shouldn’t have taken him nearly half the time it did for Kyle to realise Brad wasn’t coming back. Especially, not when after the way he’d taken off without a word after.
Kyle rubbed at the pain between his ribs as the memories of Pete being dead, ripped to pieces, and later the wooden coffin as the curtains had closed, taking everything that was ever Pete away for good. Then, having to stand aside and watch, without letting the other man know he was there, as Brad packed up his bag and left. Cop school—he was going anyway, but before Pete’s death, he was always coming back. After that, he didn’t even bother saying goodbye.
“Kyle?” Gene asked, his voice right next to him, filling the room. The tone of his voice made him look up, first at the room, and then his mate, Brad.
They were all looking at him, that is, everyone except Brad, who was studying the ground as if it was the most fascinating thing on the planet.
“Yeah?” Kyle said back, putting on a smile that hurt his lips. “Um…” He cleared his throat. “Ah, excuse me,” he added, getting up off the lounge and going to his room. He didn’t remember the trip, barely felt his feet as they moved him along. All he wanted was to be alone, in his room, so that he didn’t have to infect everyone with the pain of problems, and history that didn’t matter at this point.
Brad’s leaving didn’t matter. Nothing that happened between them mattered to him. That was why he got up and left without a word.
Kyle knew that he wasn’t being fair, not about anything, but the throbbing pain of knowing that he didn’t matter enough for Brad even to look in his direction when he up and left, hurt Kyle as much now as it did when he realised what the other man was up to.
He really hadn’t meant to hide. He was heading over to Brad’s because he needed friendly arms to hold him, and he thought Brad would need them, too. They had both been equally close to Pete, and Kyle thought more so to each other.
Nevertheless, the kiss didn’t matter. Not to Brad. Not like it did to Kyle.
Kyle took in deep breaths as his chest tightened in on itself. He needed to hold himself together. However, the pain wouldn’t recede.
The night came back, sweet, and tender, a light brush of lips that turned deep and tasted like forever under Kyle’s. Hands grabbed at him, pulling him closer, wanting to strip Kyle bare and have their way with him. Or was that just wishful thinking on his behalf.
God, he’d thought about that kiss every night since it happened, to the point that he wasn’t quite sure what it really felt like, and what he had made up. However, since he was one hundred percent sure they had kissed, the rest was still up in the air.
A soft knock landed on the outside of his bedroom door startled Kyle more than it should have. It had been a long time since anyone had ever knocked, which was a sign he should have listened to before he called out to whoever it was to come in.
Brad stood just inside the doorway, the door itself blocking most of his body as he looked around the jam. The uncertainty in his eyes was puzzling to Kyle. Why did Brad have to be uncertain around Kyle?
“Can I come in?”
“Wouldn’t have said so if I wasn’t inviting you in.” His tone was a little harsher than he wished it would be, but the pain in his chest turned a funny way, creating an odd feeling in his body, like butterflies hacking at his lungs.
“Right.” Brad laughed nervously as he edged his way into the room, looking around slowly before he closed the door and leant against it. “Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” God, he was a stupid fuck, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Pride. That one fucking emotion that pissed him off was now awake in his body and it wasn’t allowing Brad to fuck with him. Not this early in the game, not when he would then leave and Kyle would hurt all the more afterwards.
Not going to fucking happen.
“Um…” Brad rubbed at the back of his neck. “You looked kinda panicky, and then you took off.”
“And you drew the last straw,” Kyle put on.
“What? Of course not. I was worried. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Yeah, just like when Pete died and you just left, Kyle thought to himself. Thankfully, he didn’t say it out loud. He really didn’t need to sound like a whiney bitch whose feelings were hurt from just one kiss. He was better than that. Well, okay, he knew better than to show that.
“Well, I’m fine, see? You can run along now,” he said pointedly.
Brad nodded as he turned to open the door, but it never happened. Hand on the knob, he sighed heavily as his head hit the door, hard, if the clunk was anything to go by.
“Can we not do this?” he muttered to the door.
“What?”
“Pretend that we don’t know you’re bullshitting?”
“It’s hard,” Kyle muttered back, dropping the act.
“It’s hard? This?”
“Yeah…” Kyle took in a breath, “Made me think of Pete straight away. Nearly had a meltdown when we came across Jack,” he finished lamely. It wasn’t what he truly meant, but the only other thing he had left.
Brad was quiet for a long time. His shoulders came up in a deep breath before he pushed a sound out, seeming to push everything he was out with it. “Yeah.”
“Yeah, scary stuff, but like Gene said, it’s not the same, Jack’s alive and we’ll catch him. Especially now that you’re here.”
“Yeah.” Brad laughed. It wasn’t a happy sound, and it ate at Kyle more than anything else had, like a memory that came back to haunt him, and he was letting it.
The door clicked. Brad had opened it, so that meant this little alone time between them was at an end. Kyle inhaled over the constriction in his chest, trying to lessen the pain of having to watch Brad walk away again. It wasn’t the same. He’d see him at breakfast, if he and the cop were still staying, but it didn’t stop Kyle feeling as if Brad was leaving forever again.
“Yeah,” Brad muttered again, repeating the word blandly.
Kyle had forgotten what they were even talking about. Brad pulled the door open and left, not one look back. Just like before.
Kyle curled in on himself as soon as the door clicked shut. It felt as if a burning knife had sliced into his chest. It ached like nothing he had prepared himself for before. The first time hadn’t been this bad. He’d been too numb then to realise just how much he needed that one man to be there.
Why couldn’t he push aside all the crap that was rolling around inside him and just ask Brad to help—ask for one moment of the man’s time so that he could feel better about the situation?
Why couldn’t this just hurt less?
Why couldn’t he grab hold of his balls and tell Brad what needed to be said?
 
A Werewolf’s Howl by Bronwyn Heeley
Release date 15th of May 2014
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